Friday, March 31, 2006

Destin...

I'm destin,
And what I'm destin for is still beyond me.
Maybe together we will find out?!
A blog huh? So I guess ill give it a go.

I'm a 24 year old female who like the others here, was asked to join by my dearest friend twoweek.
My story is long I'll spare as many details as I can.
As I said I'm 24. I am happily married to my high school sweetie and am about to celebrate our 6th anniversary.
My husband and I have battled with Infertility since before our marriage in 2000 . We have fought hard and long as sooooo many of the others out here. I will share this in depth too- in time.

I have PCOS - I'm sure your well aware of the condition by now and if not I suggest googling it! there's a lot out there to be read.
I'm not here to talk about the Symptoms or the like I'm here to share my story. And my story only. I think we will find my story however, is a lot like yours!

I was diagnosed at the young age of 12. I had been menstrating since 10 - and never had a normal flow, or cycle. They said this was normal and wrote it off for a long while.
On my 12th birthday I was rushed from school to the ER by my mother and there it was in black and white on the ultrasound screen ... The horrible news no one wants to hear.
I had 4 large cyst burst that day and my ovaries were in danger. I had pco!
now at 12 you don't care- good I don't want a period anyways I thought.
Ha- had I known had I known!!

Looking back its been a helatious ride and I will take you down my road as time goes on here.
Its a road that's becoming more traveled by many women and its a sad thing to see.
Its hard, its cold its often scarey and not understood and definitely not well marked.

Get in and ride with me as I take you on my journey.
Ill share, with you, my curves the dead ends and the many hidden sights along the way!
( look out twoweek - you asked the wrong person ;) ) .

Till next trip...

Destin

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Who's that girl?

Hi there! I'm the Crazy Girl and this is my formal introduction. I was asked to be a contributor by Two Week Wait. I'd like to introduce myself and tell you my story. I'm a 26 almost 27 woman from the Lightning Capital of the World (Florida). I have been facing reproductive issues since I was 15, that is when I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cysts. I almost immediately began to gain weight though my active lifestyle and eating habits had not changed. I spent the next 6 years going from doctor to doctor trying to figure out why this was happening. They determined that I was not a diabetic nor did I have a thyroid issue. But, no one had answers. I was just told to cut out the soda (I'm sure a lot of you can understand the frustration of that answer).

I finally found an article about PCOS in a Women's Day Magazine. I was floored. Everything the article discussed was me. I immediately made an appointment with my GYN. Article in hand they decided to send me to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist). I walked into this doctors office, he spent 2 hours with me and over the last couple years has helped me figure out exactly what my body is doing. I have been officially diagnosed with PCOS, Endometriosis, and Uterine problems.

Like Two Week Wait, I am a woman facing major infertility issues. There is one main difference between Two Week Wait and myself. While she is actively trying to conceive, I am not. I am actively trying to become healthy enough to conceive. My input here will consist of information regarding PCOS, Endometriosis and Adapting to a Healthy Lifestyle. Until my doctor and I feel that it is safe to begin conception, my husband and I will not walk down that road. We already know that he has strong swimmers, but I have several things waging war against my body. PCOS, Endometriosis and an interesting situation with my uterus, but that's a story for another day.

We would love to hear from you and get your input... Let us know!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

CD17 10DPO

I figured I'd update my post about my doctor's appointment with the RE. It went very well, much to my surprise. I am still overwhelmed with this guilt of going behind Dr. B's back, when I really shouldn't have it. I guess I feel so indebted to him for his compassion in trying to help us through this journey. It's a rare thing when you experience a connection with a doctor and unfortunatley, all of my connections with doctors are specialists. Dr. B will be on vacation/seminars for the next two weeks while being on call. I am just hoping with my medical release form that I won't piss him or his staff off.

I am going to do one more month of Clomid, thank dear god! This is my last month after about a year of being on it. I will be doing the Clomid Challenge and an IUI this month. My doctor seems rather hopeful which is promising. Thankfully she didn't say anything about my flab... I am hoping she realizes that I am trying to maintain weight loss and just am not having any luck.

She also wants me to get off of unecessary medications... YIPPEE!!

We may try gonadotropins which scares the holy hell out of me, but I am willing to try anything once. I don't know if my pocket book will like it, but it's worth a shot, literally.

She did an ultrasound right then and there and said my ovaries were HUGE. She wants me to call when AF comes for another one. She said she's there 7 days a week and they never close...

This is a good change, but still in the back of my mind... I feel like I have hurt Dr. B... These emotions are horrible!

TWW

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Thank you...

From the bottom of my emotional heart I wanted to say THANK YOU to Zoe for creating a masterpiece! This feels a lot more like home now.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

CD19 3DPO

Last night I finally got a call from my doctor... We talked for about 20 minutes which is like an office visit for free. Heck, after how long I waited I deserve it!

He consulted with a doctor from the Infertility Clinic that I may go to this Friday. The Infertility Clinic doctor, Dr. G, said that my current OB/GYN, Dr. B, has been doing exactly what he would do. Dr. B was very flattered that Dr. G said that as he is renowned for his Infertility treatments in our area and the US.

I have totally perplexed Dr. B as to why I can not conceive a second child on my own when I was able to do it naturally with my daughter. Heck, I am as perplexed as well. It's like I am beginning to hate my body because it's not doing what it is supposed to do. I mean you get women who conceive naturally and totally take it for granted, which I am guilty of. You have girls/young women who get pregnant and use abortion as a form of birth control. (Farthest I will go on this topic) You have girls/young women popping them out when they are living on government assistance with no stopping in sight... But here you have me, like many other women who are financially capable of caring for a child with food, clothes and a roof over it's head. I have two empty rooms waiting for my next unborn children. I am going to take baby steps and hope and pray that God will bless me with one more child. Then move on from there.

At this point with Dr. B he wants me to wait out this current cycle and call the office when AF comes again... I will be going on Clomid, yet again. I pray for the day I don't have to take those pills anymore. I am sick of my hair falling out and being so moody about everything! I flip at the drop of a hat... It's a wonder why any woman gets pregnant on that stuff! I have had to work very hard to not let the medicine control my moods. After being on it for a year, I would say I have been doing pretty, darn good!

We will add in one more blood test, making it a minimum of three lab draws a month. So on average, I will be having 3-5 lab draws a month. How exciting?! When I get older I am going to have to have labs drawn from my flipping feet to get a good vein. With this newest lab he's going to see if I am over stimulating to the medicine, and if I am I will have to take a 3 month break, which would kill me, but would be long overdue to bring my hormones back in check. Either that or take progesterone to calm it all down. It amazes me how certain meds make things "happen".

If that lab comes back ok or negative we will discuss doing ovarian drilling in May. While some may be stand offish about having surgery, I am not. I have to do what I have to do... I have been under the knife plenty of times so this would be nothing new to me. Here's a surgical video of ovarian drilling.

My doctor also wants me to work on my weight loss... Which is perfectly fine with me. I work out three days a week, eat healthy, but just have been stuck. He realizes that and I told him I have been due diligent about my efforts and he appreciates that. I may have to see an endocrinologist if things do not start going down, again.

::TWW::

Friday, March 17, 2006

CD 15

Today I went to the doctor for my monthly lab work on CD 16 and 23 I go... then there may be one or two more times before or after these two days on a normal actively TTC cycle.

I have been waiting for a call from my OB/GYN for two weeks now and it's killing me as to what he found out from one of his associates. But alas, I wait as I have been for years. I just feel like I am such a big pain in the ass when I call the doctors office to schedule appointments for lab work, inseminations, or even ask questions. Yes, I know that it is their job and they are there to help me as a patient, but I just feel like I am overwhelming them. It's terrible that everyone in that office knows me and knows my voice on the phone. No matter how hard I try to disguise it, I can't!!! In a sense it's good that they know who I am and on the other end, I should be filling out employment documents with as much I am there. I am afraid that my doctor is going to fire me as a patient. You may say... a doctor can't fire you, but it has been done.

I sit in the waiting room for my name to be called and I get this sudden emotion over me. It's like a weight on my chest and I have this sudden urge to cry. Out of nowhere. The more and more I walk into the doctor's office with an empty uterus is so painful. I just want to be able to walk in one day and say, look we did it!! To be like a 6 year old coming home with a school project so proud to share it to their parents.

I am called back and asked the usual... what's your birth date? Even though they know, they still have to ask. But come'on! I then tell the Nurse Practitioner that the doctor still hasn't called me back and she was quite disappointed that he hasn't called. I respect the fact he is busy and works about 80-100 hours a week. But call me already!! I just wanna know! Then the nurse that drew my blood this morning said we can't find your file anywhere. The doctor must have your file in his briefcase, so he must be thinking of you. Well hot damn! It's about time! So hopefully today I will be getting a call... but I am not holding out with bated breath.

This month I am kind of relaxing as we are in the process of switching doctors and I need the mental break a bit... I am not doing the OPK's or timing intercourse or anything... Just going with the flow and letting what will be rest in the hands of the powers that be. This morning I find out that my hubby won't be home tonight as he will be pulling a double and BD'ing is out of the question with him... So for a moment I started freaking out going... Am I going to have to drive to his work for a quickie?? Gee, I wish! I will say that not being in stir-ups for the first time in months is a great feeling!!

*If there are any of you interested in contributing to this site, please drop me an e-mail and I'd be happy to add you. My intent with this site is to make it a place where you can spill your beans and share your lives with others.I am hoping to one day expand this site to more outlets for more exposure but am still trying to figure out the platform I want to do.

Eventually there will be a new layout that will make it a bit easier on the eyes...

*If there are any of you interested in contributing to this site, please drop me an e-mail and I'd be happy to add you. My intent with this site is to make it a place where you can spill your beans and share your lives with others.

I am hoping to one day expand this site to more outlets for more exposure but am still trying to figure out the platform I want to do.

Eventually there will be a new layout that will make it a bit easier on the eyes...

Friday, March 10, 2006

Infertility Etiquette

A friend of mine sited this page in April 2005 on SoulCysters... I felt it was worth repeating to the world.

Infertility Etiquette

By Vita Alligood (source)

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.

The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. Most infertility treatments involve using hormones, which alter the user's moods. (That statement is like calling a lion a cat-my husband would tell you that the side effect is insanity!) The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money. Infertility treatments are expensive, and most insurance companies do not cover the costs. So, in addition to the pain of not conceiving a baby each month, the couple pays out anywhere from $300 to five figures, depending upon the treatment used.

A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:

  • They will eventually conceive a baby.
  • They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
  • They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.

Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.

Don't Tell Them to Relax

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.

Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.

These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.

Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?

Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.

People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.

Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents

One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.

Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"

There are many reasons why a couple would choose not to pursue this option. Here are a few of them.

IVF is Expensive with Low Odds

One cycle of IVF is very expensive. With all of the hype in the news, many people assume that IVF is a sure thing when, in fact, the odds of success for each cycle are low. Most couples cannot afford to try for one month, much less for multiple times. Considering that it also costs a significant amount of money to adopt a baby, many couples opt for the "sure thing" rather then risking their money on much lower odds.

IVF is Physically Taxing

Undergoing IVF treatments is very rigorous. The woman must inject shots into her thigh daily to cause her ovaries to superovulate. The drugs used are very taxing on the woman, and they can cause her to be become extremely emotional.

IVF Raises Ethical Issues

Ironically, couples who undergo IVF to become parents may have to selectively abort one or more fetuses if multiple eggs are fertilized. Many couples cannot bring themselves to abort a baby when they have worked so hard to become parents. If the couple chooses not to selectively abort, they run the risk of multiple births.

Don't Offer Unsolicited Opinions If They Are Trying IVF

On the flip side of the coin, don't offer unsolicited advice to your friends who do choose to try IVF. For many couples, IVF is the only way they will ever give birth to a baby. This is a huge decision for them to make, for all of the reasons I outlined above.

If the couple has resolved any ethical issues, don't muddy the waters. IVF is a gray area in many ethical circles, and many of our moral leaders don't yet know how to answer the ethical questions that have arisen from this new technology. If the couple has resolved these issues already, you only make it harder by raising the ethical questions again. Respect their decision, and offer your support. If you can't offer your support due to ethical differences of opinion, then say nothing.

A couple who chooses the IVF route has a hard, expensive road ahead, and they need your support more than ever. The hormones are no cakewalk, and the financial cost is enormous. Your friend would not be going this route if there were an easier way, and the fact that she is willing to endure so much is further proof of how much she truly wants to parent a child. The hormones will make her more emotional, so offer her your support and keep your questions to yourself.

Don't Play Doctor

Once your infertile friends are under a doctor's care, the doctor will run them through numerous tests to determine why they aren't able to conceive. There a numerous reasons that a couple may not be able to conceive. Here are a few of them:

  • Blocked fallopian tubes
  • Cysts
  • Endometriosis
  • Low hormone levels
  • Low "normal form" sperm count
  • Low progesterone level
  • Low sperm count
  • Low sperm motility
  • Thin uterine walls

Infertility is a complicated problem to diagnose, and reading an article or book on infertility will not make you an "expert" on the subject. Let your friends work with their doctor to diagnose and treat the problem. Your friends probably already know more about the causes and solutions of infertility than you will ever know.

You may feel like you are being helpful by reading up on infertility, and there is nothing wrong with learning more about the subject. The problem comes when you try to "play doctor" with your friends. They already have a doctor with years of experience in diagnosing and treating the problem. They need to work with and trust their doctor to treat the problem. You only complicate the issue when you throw out other ideas that you have read about. The doctor knows more about the causes and solutions; let your friends work with their doctor to solve the problem.

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.

The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.

Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."

I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.

Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.

Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.

Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption (Yet)

Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.

You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.

Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.

So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care

The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.

Remember Them on Mother's Day

With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.

Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.

Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments

No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.

Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

3rd cycle on clomid

Here we go again..... cycles 1 and 2 were picture perfect as far as BBT charts go, but both ended with BFN's and AF showing up moments later. Actually, cycle 2 looked soooo promising that I actually started to let myself believe I might.. just might be pg. I had a 14 day luteal phase and my usual is 10-12 days. I really thought my BFP was right around the corner. No cramps, no skin breakouts like I would normally have, but then my temp dropped.. for 2 straight days in a row... and even though I still didn't feel it, I know AF was just right around the corner. And so next morning.... there she was.. in full force. I was prepared because of the temp drops. I know now that they just don't lie... but damn. It doesn't get any easier. I have two refills of clomid left.. one which I will start on CD5 (3 days from now) and one for the next cycle if this one doesn't work. Then it's back to the RE to see what the next step is. My OB practically guaranteed me that clomid would do the trick. I never needed anything more than Met to get pg. My son was conceived with only 6 weeks on Met! My second pregnancy, that resulted in a m/c, was a totally unplanned, unmedicated cycle. Go figuure. ... I WANT this Christmas baby............................... :)